What position are you interested in applying for?  
  Management/Whip Cracking
Two-faced back stabbers need only apply.
 
  Accounting/Bean Counting
Must be a greedy, beady-eyed tight wad capable of maintaining two sets of books. 
 
 Information Technology/Soon to be outsourced Techno-Geek
Must be a Star Trek fan to fit in with our current staff of techno-geeks.

  Manufacturing/Underpaid Sweatshop Labor
Lack of knowledge of labor laws a definite plus.

 Public Relations/ Conniving
Gift for double-talk a must.

 Sales/Compulsive Lying
Must be able to fake enthusiasm for even most useless product.

 Secretarial/Gossiping
Must be able to type almost as many words per minute as you can blab.

 Board of Director's official Scapegoat
This is only a temporary position.  As soon as you're blamed, you're fired.

 Henchman/Henchwoman
Ability to plot and scheme a must.

 Yes Man/Yes Woman-Every corporation needs them. 
Must be able to agree with management's most ridiculous ideas and policies.

 
How much experience do you have in the desired position?  
 Less than 1 year but will work cheap.
 
 1-2 years but more than willing to work cheap
 
 3-5 years, barely competent, therefore willing to work cheap. 
  
 6-10 years, lost all hope of doing what I wanted with my life,
therefore I am willing to work the above position dirt cheap.
 
 11-15 years, so disillusioned with life that I would be willing
to work for whatever pathetic salary you are willing to pay me.
 
 15-30 years, ready to be put out to pasture and need only a few
more years until I can collect Social Security, therefore I am 
willing to work cheap.
 
  I have absolutely no experience whatsoever, therefore I realize
that it would only qualify me for a managerial position-dirt cheap.
 

Of the choices listed below, which would you say best describes you?  
 Ability to withstand extreme verbal and/or physical abuse.
 
 Talent for living off of unlivable wages.
 
 Strong, irresistible urge to kiss management's butts.
 
 Self-esteem so low, willing to do anything for a paycheck.
 
 Can agree with and say yes to management's stupidest ideas, with a smile on my face.
 
We are an equal opportunity employer:
That means that we are more than happy to hire illegal aliens.
No Social Security Card Needed, we'll print one up for you.

Any comments?   

What's your name?  

What's your E-mail address?