PsychotiCorp's Official Online Job Application Form
What position are you interested in applying for?  
  Accounting/Bean Counting
Must be a greedy, beady-eyed tight wad capable of maintaining two sets of books. 
   Management/Whip Cracking
Two-faced back stabbers need only apply. 
 Information Technology/Soon to be outsourced Techno-Geek
Must be a Star Trek fan to fit in with our current staff of techno-geeks.

  Manufacturing/Underpaid Sweatshop Labor
Lack of knowledge of labor laws a definite plus.

 Public Relations/ Conniving
Gift for double-talk a must.

 Sales/Compulsive Lying
Must be able to fake enthusiasm for even most useless product.

Must be able to type almost as many words per minute as you can blab.

 Board of Director's official Scapegoat
This is only a temporary position.  As soon as you're blamed, you're fired.

Ability to plot and scheme a must.

 Yes Man/Yes Woman-Every corporation needs them. 
Must be able to agree with management's most ridiculous ideas and policies.

How much experience do you have in the desired position?  
 Less than 1 year but will work cheap.
 1-2 years but more than willing to work cheap
 3-5 years, barely competent, therefore willing to work cheap. 
 6-10 years, lost all hope of doing what I wanted with my life,
therefore I am willing to work the above position dirt cheap.
 11-15 years, so disillusioned with life that I would be willing
to work for whatever pathetic salary you are willing to pay me.
 15-30 years, ready to be put out to pasture and need only a few
more years until I can collect Social Security, therefore I am 
willing to work cheap.
  I have absolutely no experience whatsoever, therefore I realize
that it would only qualify me for a managerial position-dirt cheap.
Of the choices listed below, which would you say best describes you?  
 Ability to withstand extreme verbal and/or physical abuse.
 Talent for living off of unlivable wages.
 Strong, irresistible urge to kiss management's butts.
 Self-esteem so low, willing to do anything for a paycheck.
 Can agree with and say yes to management's stupidest ideas, with a smile on my face.
We are an equal opportunity employer:
That means that we are more than happy to hire illegal aliens.
No Social Security Card Needed, we'll print one up for you.

Any comments?   

What's your name?  

What's your E-mail address?    


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